Pepper Spray, Waffle Makers & Black Friday

When I was a kid I never heard the term Black Friday. Some people have told me the term “Black Friday” is fairly recent but according to Wikipedia, it was coined in 1966 by Philadelphia police because of the traffic due to shopping. When growing up my family never talked about going shopping on Black Friday, the only memory I have of that day are stories of my Uncle Jimmy getting up at 5am so he could go to the Hallmark store and get all the collectable holiday ornaments. I also remember watching the news that night and seeing all the women running into the store Cohoes to buy cheap purses. Even in high school there never really was a talk about “Black Friday.”

It wasn’t until in college that I worked at The Picture People in Crossgates Mall that I understood the madness of “Black Friday.” I remember this particular day because it also was the grand opening of the new Best Buy (you remember, where the old Caldor store was). The mall had just expanded and it was time for a new electronics superstore to grass the capital district. I was part of the opening shift; I was to go in at 9am. I woke up fairly early because my mother said “Jer, you better get up early because traffic is going to be crazy and it’s going to be hard to find a parking spot.” At 8:15 I was out of the shower and not wanting to go into work because I was 20 and hung over and hated my job, but alas I had to go in. I went upstairs to my bedroom to get on my uniform and because I slept with the TV on I noticed the news reports warning people who were going to Crossgates that the traffic was backed up really bad. While driving I finally put two and two together “Wait if the mall opens at 6am, I’m going to be three hours late.” I remember wishing I was rich enough to have a cell phone. I arrived at the mall at 9:30 parked at 10am and ran into the mall. I walked up to my store and the gate was down and my manager was sitting on the bench in front of the store. He arrived at 9:45 and forgot his keys. He forgot the mall opened early too. We got the keys at 10:30 and I, my manager and another co-worker sat bored in the store. No one wanted to brave the mall just to get pictures taken. It was pretty much a do nothing day and I was fine with that. The day consisted of taking pictures of each other with all our crazy props, me going outside to smoke…cigarettes…that’s right cigarettes and taking turns going down to Best Buy to watch the craziness. Let me break down what happened that day at Best Buy: they were not fully ready to open on Black Friday so most of their products weren’t in the computers yet so employees had to manually enter each item with a manager’s approval. By the end of the day there were fist fights and someone after waiting in line for five hours promptly threw a computer which I thought was funny due to all the…cigarettes I smoked that day. 

Fast forward to 2011. I know most of my friends thought this year’s Black Friday was absolutely crazy including me. I would never ever go out there that early to save little money on a TV or a Waffle Maker. I’ve listened to so many people call Black Friday shoppers crazy and after watching a woman fighting over a $2 Waffle Maker with her pants halfway down (FYI if anyone got me this present I’m selling it on Ebay as “The $2 Waffle Maker from the YouTube Video”) I thought people were crazy too. It sealed the deal that I will never go out on Black Friday to shop especially for the fact that I don’t want to be pepper-sprayed at Wal-Mart! I was fully content this year working at Circus Café and seated all the exhausted shoppers and pointed the men to the bar who exclaimed “I need a Black Friday beer.”

This blog was supposed to be about my support of anti-Black Friday shopping until I saw an ad from a company who said “We ask you to buy less and to reflect before you spend a dime on this jacket or anything else.” The short of the blog was that a company asked you to think socially before shopping on Black Friday and to wait to buy their products after Black Friday. Well guess what folks that jacket that they asked you not to buy costs $149!!! That’s right, so a family of four on a fixed income who wants nothing less than to save $100 on Black Friday was looked down upon by this company. I don’t care for Black Friday but I would never look at a family who are trying to save some money. I know everyone is saying “but JJ Christmas is not about the gifts, it’s about so much more.” This is what I have to say about that, “Its 2011 not 1845 you expect me to believe you would prefer just to feel the spirit of Christmas rather than getting that new phone or Ipad you asked for via Facebook newsfeed? I think not.” I say go to buy your discounted Black Friday TV’s and the then come to Downtown Saratoga Springs and spend the money you saved at a locally owned business.” 

JJ's Rant on Local Theater

I woke up this morning to a huge number of facebook messages concerning another production of Avenue Q that was supposed to go up in January but unfortunately was cancelled. I feel I have to address this issue as well as some other issues that have been on my mind for a long time.

Last night I received a text about the Avenue Q production being cancelled; most people in my position would have been overjoyed. I have to say I really wasn’t. I want this to be known and I hope that every actor in Albany, Schenectady, Saratoga and Troy read this because I do not like when I hear about a show being cancelled. I don’t know the reasons it was cancelled and quite frankly I don’t care. I feel awful for all involved to lose the opportunity to be in such a great show. Some people have said to me “now you have the regional premiere,” that’s all good and such (and believe me in the beginning I was mad that I wasn’t) but what people seem to not understand is all the hard work put in by the theater company, cast and crew is now gone. That makes me sad. When I lost my job a while back I had to cancel my production of “The 25^th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee” and I was depressed and sad. Regardless of the reasons I felt I let a lot of people down. Everyone rallied around me and gave me support but it still hurt. So, my heart goes out to both the cast and crew of the cancelled production, I know how it feels and I’m sorry you are feeling this way.

That was my first point. Now, here is my second point.

Every couple months there seems to be an argument on Facebook about local community theater. I love and hate these discussions. Yes, there are a lot of valid points made by everyone involved in these discussions. As a theater owner I look at all these points and most of the time I just shrug them off because the points made are unfixable unless we go back ten years. What I mean by this statement is if you look back ten years can you name the theaters that were doing shows? When I think back ten years the theater I remember are: SLOC, Schenectady Civic, Albany Civic, Park Playhouse, Family Players, HMT, Schuylerville Community Theater and Glens Falls Community Theater. Those are the ones I remember and if there are more I apologize but I’m trying to make a point. When I went to see shows at these theaters I saw the same people in leading roles. I never thought anything bad about that. It seemed that each theater had their “set of players” that were the “workhorses” for that company. Again, something I never thought anything bad about. I used-to go to theater auditions and I would see a filled audition room with the ability to cast the shows three different ways. I go now and that doesn’t happen anymore. Is it sad? Yes. Is there anything that could be done? Yes and no. Yes we can all say “there are too many shows going on and the talent is spread thin.” I have to say I’m so sick of hearing that, it’s called variety. It’s like walking down the street in Saratoga or Albany and complaining that there are too many places to eat. I do find that most people that complain about too many shows are the people who would never take anything less than a leading role. When I was younger I would go see a show at theater “A” with actor “A” playing the lead and then go to theater “B” and see that actor in the ensemble. That doesn’t happen a lot now-a-days. I know most people are going to be angered by that statement but it is true. If you take offense to that ask yourself the question if a theater is doing “Oklahoma” and you really want Laurie and you don’t get cast would you be in the ensemble if offered? So unless you are willing to step back from the spotlight a couple times a year then the world of local theater will never be free of Facebook rants. I know you all are thinking “But JJ you cast yourself in all your shows at your theater company and you play leads too. You cast all your friends and no one can ever get into one of your shows because you pre-cast all of your shows.” Which brings me to my final point of the day.

Hell yes I do all those things. If you ask me or anyone that has ever worked with me you will know my response is. “I started my theater company so me and my friends could do shows that we wanted to.” Plain and simple. Is that wrong? I don’t think so and for a long time it was accepted. I never had any backlash. I pre-casted my shows and life was good. When I couldn’t cast someone I knew in a role that I had available people would recommend other actors and I used them. They then became a friend and I used them again. If you truly look at my casts there are new comers to my company all the time. Those new comers come from recommendations. I always say to people “if you want to come be in a show with The Local Actors Guild, just ask me. It’s that simple.” Whenever I put up a notice on facebook that I’m looking for actors for a show I get a good response and 9 times out of 10 I get an actor or actress that I will always use again. My choice to audition Avenue Q came from drum-roll please…the actors. It was expressed to me that pre-casting this show in particular was un-fair. I couldn’t agree them more and even before they said it I was already going to hold auditions. I do on occasion hold auditions to bring in new actors. I do generally get new actors by other actors recommending people and it works out beautifully. In my last production I used a new actor on a recommendation and wouldn’t think twice about casting that person again.

I really want to make other actors feel like they have a chance to work with The Local Actors Guild. There are certain shows that I do for certain people. I could hold auditions for those shows to make it look like I didn’t pre-cast a part but I don’t believe in hiding pre-casting by holding auditions. So, I’m putting this out there right now. If you want to be a part of my company talk to me, come audition for Avenue Q, if I don’t cast you in that show there is a big chance that you will get a message offering you a role in another show. It might have been my mistake for not making this clearer in the past but now it’s all out there and I’m happy I will never have to make this point again.

I hope this makes people feel better about approaching me about future productions, I realize this will also make some people mad but you know what they say about opinions.

Let’s make the theater in this area thrive. Let’s all remember why we do theater in the first place.

Reality TV = Crack - Part Two or I hate Andy Cohen

I watch reality TV…a lot. This is not a surprise if you know me. Some people are addicted to crack. Me, I’m addicted to reality TV.

My addiction started with The Real World season one. After the first season was over, I craved more. I was addicted to The Real World. I wanted be on the show. I never auditioned for the show; I never had the balls to do it. I fell in love season after season with each cast. It was so fascinating to watch these 20 & 30 something’s find themselves while filming. There always seemed to be a cast member that entered the “fish bowl” (people who watched the show will get that reference) young, naïve, or racist and left changed and open to looking at the world in a different light. I watched The Real World for many years until it turned into nothing but drinking and sex. I thought maybe I was getting to old to watch the show after all now the oldest cast member on the show is 24. I long for the days of when The Real World seemed “real.” I remembered when The Real World season three had its final episode. I had just recently came out and I was obsessed with the fact that Pedro an out gay person was welcomed into America’s living rooms. It was great to see someone so proud of who he was. He made it easy for me to feel comfortable about who I was. I was sad the season was over. Then Kurt Loder came on the air to announce that Pedro had died. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was depressed, I felt like a close friend died. I wanted to give up watching The Real World but I couldn’t.

After The Real World came Road Rules. After Road Rules came Survivor, that’s when reality TV really became huge. Not only was it reality TV but it was competition too. It seemed like every time I turned around a new reality series popped up. I of course gave each series at least a chance by watching a couple episodes. 95% of the time that’s where it ended but like The Real World I became obsessed with so many shows. In the years of my reality TV addiction I’ve noticed the non-competitive shows have become non-scripted scripted TV. I know that sounds weird but I do believe it’s real but it’s edited to make us like certain “characters.”

Before I elaborate on my feelings of editing let me just give you the list of non-competitive reality shows that I watch or have watched. Yes some may seem tacky but like so many people obsessed with a certain vampire book series I could care less.

Here they are people. I highly suggest youtube-ing some of them:

The Anna Nicole Show

The Real World

Hoarders

The Girls Next Door

Being Bobby Brown

Obsessed

The Surreal Life

Super Sweet Sixteen

My Redneck Wedding

Extreme Makeover (not home addition)

Tabatha’s Salon Takeover

Bridezillas

What Not to Wear

Clean House

My Life on the D-List

There are plenty more but my blog would be too long and believe it or not I actually have point here.  

This evening I tuned in to watch part two of The Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion special.  Yes I watch RHONJ. I don’t watch all of the Housewife series, in addition to New Jersey I watch the Atlanta series and I watched Washington DC and some of the Beverly Hills, but by far I love the New Jersey girls. I was hooked after the first episode. Even my mother liked the New Jersey girls. I felt I knew these people, mostly because I could see some of my relatives in these women. It was like watching my crazy Italian relatives. It was so nice to see these women getting along, but then of course like all reality TV mid-season it went crazy. Cast member Danielle Staub seemed to go from semi-normal to crazy in two episodes. I stood by my favorite cast members Dina, Teresa, Caroline and Jacqueline and hated Danielle. After two seasons Danielle left and I was happy. I wanted to see more of Teresa’s over-the-top character, Jacqueline’s caring nature and listen to Caroline’s motherly advice. Unfortunately Dina left during season two due to Danielle so I was sad but I knew the series would go on.

Along came season three and new cast members Kathy (Teresa’s Cousin) and Melissa (Teresa’s Sister-in-Law). I didn’t quite know what to expect with the addition of these people. I, of course didn’t want to like either one of them because it seemed they had it out for Teresa. Kathy kind of grew on me as the season went along but I never really like Melissa, she seemed way too fake for me. I know what everyone is thinking “JJ all the housewives are fake.” Yes, like I said before I believe it is real but edited to make us look at certain characters in a certain way, which brings me to tonight’s reunion special. It was hosted by Andy Cohen, who is also executive producer of all of the housewife shows. Only four of the five New Jersey Housewives were there, Jacqueline wasn’t there due to a fight she had with Teresa the week before while filming season four. The reunion was in two parts and it seemed like it was a chance for everyone to gang up on Teresa, including Andy Cohen. As a viewer I was kind of offended by Andy Cohen’s remarks to Teresa. As an executive producer of the show I thought it was in poor taste to treat her that way. Each housewife series has a stand-out wife that seems to be in the news more or writes a book or releases a song (yes people Tardy for the Party is on my Ipod!) and they become a bit more famous than the other wives. As we all know fame changes people and makes them someone else and yes Teresa is one of them. Does that mean she is a horrible person? Yes and no, who knows what I would do if I was on a reality show? Could I really work a 9 to 5 job after being on a reality TV show or would I bank on my 15 minutes of fame like Teresa is doing? Nene Leakes of The Real Housewives of Atlanta was recently on Celebrity Apprentice and by the looks of next season’s preview she is falling under the same fire that Teresa is.

So, here is my question to you. Can you imagine if either editing was not done on Reality TV or if editing made the bad guys look good? Let’s look at some of the possibilities shall we?

Hoarders – What would happen if the magic of editing made us actually feel sorry for the hoarders? In some ways we feel a little for the hoarder but most of the time we don’t. Remember the animal hoarder that almost punched the camera crew? Can you imagine if the editing Gods made us feel bad for her?

Being Bobby Brown – What we saw was pop diva Whitney Houston pretty much addicted to crack and cocaine. We all watched in horror as Bobby Brown talked about removing a “nugget” out of her ass, to which Whitney replied “That’s love.” Could you imagine if they edited that show to make Whitney Houston look like a victim of the music industry? That the only reason she was like that was because it was so hard for her to deal with her fame?

So this brings me back to my Jersey Girls. Caroline Manzo is a wife on the show. She has a huge following because she seems the most “real” of all the housewives. I’m not saying she isn’t but after watching tonight’s reunion my views on her have changed a little. I would never question her intentions but tonight she seemed a little off. When you look at her from the first season she put it out there that she is truthful and real. She is an amazing Mother, Sister and Wife. Family is first in her life and she will stick by her family no matter what. So any loyal Caroline fan would believe anything she says. I think that is very convenient don’t you? Can you imagine if she was edited to look that way? What if everything she ever said was a lie? I’m not calling her a liar by any means. I believe she is a good person. In fact I believe that all of the Jersey housewives are good people (well except Melissa – fake, fake, fake) but they are human and they make mistakes and say things that they later regret. Who knows what really happens in these women’s lives. I would love to be a fly on all of their walls. Imagine what you could really learn about these “real” people.

In closing I have this to say:

Dear Andy Cohen,

      

I realize it’s your job to stir things up on your reunion shows but don’t slap the hand that feeds you. Do you really think RHONJ would last without Teresa? Most likely not because Melissa does not = Teresa.

      

JJ

P.S. Tell Caroline Manzo to watch out because Kathy is going to end up being the new “super Mom” now that all her kids are moving out. Tell her I love her but watch your back.

Hair School

I've been bad at writing Blogs lately...lots of stuff going on theater and school wise so I put out to my Facebook friends to choose a topic for my Blog today. Where as I would love to write about taints there is only this to be said...taint the balls or the ass :)

My friend Adrianna suggested I write about an experience during my first week of beauty school and I thought yes! It's very fitting considering I'm about two to three weeks away from finishing :)

In most beauty schools your first 450 hours are spent working in your textbooks or on manequin heads. Then when you are good and comfortable you start working on clients. However at my school you pretty much work on clients on day two. Yes people I said day two. The first week I was there I did a manicure, a pedicure, applied color to a students hair and I did a wash & set. Most of you would think the story would lay with the mani or pedi but no. It wasn't even the students color I applied. It was all about the wash & set.

A wash & set is pretty much done by elderly people once a week. Usually Fridays to prepare them for the Friday dinner out at a diner (where she will no doubt use a coupon) and for church on Sunday. They usually return the next week and start all over again. It's actually kind of cute and it's a guaranteed client each week. It's pretty simple, wash, throw some rollers in the hair, under the dryer, remove rollers and brush hair. The occasional client also wants her hair curled with a curling iron after...why? I don't know but it's fine.

First week at school 12:45 on a Friday. It's me, two other students and my teacher. The other students are already working on clients when in walks an elderly lady with a cane. She seemed nice except for the sour look on her face. I'm thinking I'm fine, I'm new they won't make me do this.

Here's how it went down.

"JJ can you do a wash and set"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Um I'm new and I've never done one"

"It's fine, it's like a wig that talks"

This went on for five minutes until I gave in. The lady came over to my chair while my teacher watched. The woman sat down and I introduced myself. I asked what she wanted for today and then this came out of her mouth.

"Well I would like a wash and set. Make sure you leave me under the dryer long enough because no one can ever get my set to stay longer than two days. I've been to 5 different salons recently and they all were bad. I tell them that I sweat a lot at night and it makes my sets go away. So I hope you know what you are doing!"

I then proceeded to turn bright red and I almost shit my pants. My teacher looked horrified but at this point there was nothing I could do. She grabbed some hair gel to use instead of setting lotion to assure a strong hold and got me the smallest rollers I have ever seen in my life. I washed her hair. During this time my teacher was called away and my client promptly asked "Where did your teacher lady go?" "Oh" I said "She had to do something, she'll be right back." 

All washed I took her back to the chair and started rolling. The thing is when you use gel instead of setting solution it starts drying fast. I pretty much glued rollers to her head and to my fingers. I started sweating and again almost shit my pants. I know what you all are thinking "JJ your blogs are usually funny, this one is kind of making me sweat just thinking about it." Do fret my friends here it comes.

Halfway during the sweating and almost shitting myself 4 more times she said to me "So how long have you been here?" "Um" I said "I"m kind of new, but I've done theater wigs and hair for a long time."

"Oh really? My son takes me to see theater a lot." Finally I thought I could relax in hopes that she saw me in a play and we would have something to talk about. Then to my horror this happened.

"My son used-to do my hair but now he's too busy with all his organizations."

"Really? Like which ones"

"Oh he's trying to keep the ____ ____ ____ open!" Then came another blush, sweat and another almost shitting moment. She then said "His name is ____, do you know him?"

And yes I did! Not only did I know him I went out with him and slept with him. Of course she didn't know he was gay because he works for a christian hospital. I thought "FUCK MY LIFE!" She then tells me how great he is and how she wishes he would find a nice girl and get married. It was very hard for me not to say.

"Well if he didn't describe himself as a sociopath vegetarian he just might meet someone!"

I didn't know what else to do I put her under the dyer, then I took her rollers out, teased her hair and sprayed her with Aquanet and set her on her way. Before she left she asked my teacher my name and she said "I'll see you next week!"

Next Friday she came back, he set stayed and she was pleased with my work. She sat down and said "I asked my son if he knew you and he said yes he did. You two are drinking buddies." I laughed, blushed and shit my pants! FML!

Status Updates

Status updates. Remember that thing called MySpace? I know random though huh? Well the other day I thought to myself “do I still have an account?” I know I have one for the theater but do I still have a personal account? Guess what folks I did, yes past tense it’s gone but before I deleted it I needed a stroll down memory lane, I mean it was my first “real” social networking site.

When MySpace first came out I was addicted to it, it was like crack (I know my close friends who are reading this are thinking, um…you are addicted to Facebook now. Don’t fret, I will be getting to that monster called Facebook soon enough.) When I signed onto MySpace I check out my old updates and I laughed pretty hard. I realized that I used MySpace to say what I wanted to people without telling them it was about them. Of course they knew it was about them and luckily most of the time it solved problems that couldn’t have been solved because each person was too stubborn to start the conversation.

So, here’s my question why can’t your update be “Joe Smith you suck! I hope you choke on your own vomit that was the worst date I’ve ever had in my life. You know I hate seafood – so Red Lobster was wrong. You know I hate action movies – Transformers 3 was a real intelligent choice. By the way the goodnight kiss, I’m still cleaning your spit off my eye – advice – SLOW DOWN if I wanted spit on my eye I would make out with a Saint Bernard! Have a nice life and lose my number.”

Imagine if it was that easy, but life is never that easy it’s much easier to put something cryptic up like “Eh” or “I’ve had better.” Then when Joe Smith gets home he can check your update to see how much you loved your date and wonder…”BETTER WHAT? Better movie? Better date? Better kiss? BETTER WHAT?!?!? You get me every time facebook!”  Being on both sides of Joe’s situation I can tell you it does suck wondering if that update may or may not be about you and it might be about your date (I know that was a little Annelle huh?”)

That was MySpace. So obviously I grew up since then after all I am 32, my Facebook status updates must be more mature than that…okay you can all stop laughing. Yes my small faithful viewers I am still that person, but lately not so much. I did look back a little and it wasn’t that long ago I wrote cryptic updates hoping people in my life would get the hint. It always seemed to stir the pot but never really solved anything it always made it worse. So from now on if I hate you I’ll just say it, not in a status update but in a private message, doing it in a public forum is tactless.

“Hmmm…JJ you sound very mature right now. It sounds like some people pissed you off by status updates that were aimed at you and you didn’t even call them out on it.” For this I have to say, “I’m like the encyclopedia Britannica – just when you think I’m done I had you another volume.”

Of course I’m not going to call people out in this blog but it might be fun to interpret some updates. Chosen at random and reworded to protect the innocent of course…

1.      

"All I see is fireworks when you smile." – means “Your life sucks without me, I’ve found someone else and I hope you know this is about you!”

“I had the most amazing night of my life, nothing else has ever compared to this night!” – means “Still reading? Yes I’m having better sex now without you and I hope you know this is about you!”

“Eh” – means “I shouldn’t of eaten that burger, I’m shitting my brains out!”

“Don’t you love it when you can just spend the night in.” – means “I’m broke I spent all my money last night, you know you want to take me out for a drink.”

“You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you, don’t you” – means exactly that, but people stop posting song lyrics, not gonna lie it’s kinda lame. It’s lame because I have chronic lyrictosis and don’t know they are lyrics and I think they are about me. So stop it!

You see where this is going right? If you got something to say, say it to my face. It’s easier and I will return the favor, because I’d rather your status update be “Pooping on the toilet” instead of “Your life sucks without me.”

Am I guilty of everything I write in this blog? Hell Yeah…are you? Is it you? Don’t you wonder? Could be, could not be…

FYI this is not a blog of anger because “I’m laughing at you right now” – means “I actually am.”

JJ – Mood - happy