Before you read this blog please keep an open mind and don’t jump down my throat right away!!!!
There are things I completely understand in life such as Theater, Drag Queens, Nene Leakes from The Real Housewives of Atlanta (well anything reality TV anyway) and having fun. Thanks to my partner Chad I don’t have to understand politics because he sends me with a list of the people I should vote for and he can explain things like the Occupy Movement to me using Real Housewives as examples i.e.; Nene is camping on Kim’s lawn because Nene can’t afford good dishes and Kim got a tax break on them!
Since I came out in 1996 I have considered myself a gay man. All my lesbian friends were lesbians. My transgendered friends were either post or pre-op. My Bisexual friends were just warming up before they saw the light and came out. Life seemed easy with just GLBT. I knew people who were in threesome relationships, which usually ended horribly but I always labeled it a threesome. It was easy we were all at the Power Company on a weds, sneaking drinks in the bathroom, dancing to Madonna and guessing if the crazy person on the dance floor was on “E” or Coke…life was easy then.
Fast forward to 2012. Power Company is no more; well I’m wrong yes it is closed but it now takes the shape of “Therapy Thursday.”
There is a new movement in our community called the Queer movement. Now I remember the word Queer being used in a derogatory way just like the word Faggot is used. Although I’ve embraced the word Faggot…I often will go up to my friends and say “Word up Faggot?” Most of the response in “Not much homo, you?” I’ve embraced that word like other minorities have embraced a certain “N” word that shall not be named. I guess like them if we give it power to be hateful than it becomes hateful right? I’m not too sold on Queer. I would embrace Queer if I didn’t always immediately go into a British accent while saying “Word up my Queer little friend?” Believe me I tried it many times. I know a lot of people who are living the Queer lifestyle and when I ask what it is, I never really get an answer that matches each others explanations.
Of course I turn to my friend Wikipedia to get some info!
Wikipedia says: Since its emergence in the English language in the 16th century (related to the German queer, meaning "across, at right angle, diagonally or transverse"), queer has generally meant "strange", "unusual", or "out of alignment". It might refer to something suspicious or "not quite right", or to a person with mild derangement or who exhibits socially inappropriate behavior.
I of course laughed at this definition because it describes some drag queens that I know more than the queer people I know.
Wikipedia continues: Queer is an umbrella term for sexual minorities that are not heterosexual, heteronormative, or gender-binary. In the context of Western identity politics the term also acts as a label setting queer-identifying people apart from discourse, ideologies, and lifestyles that typify mainstream LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transsexual) communities as being oppressive or assimilationist.
This term is controversial because it was reappropriated only two decades ago from its use as an anti-gay epithet. Furthermore, some LGBT people disapprove of using queer as a catch-all because they consider it offensive, derisive or self-deprecating given its continuous use as a form of hate speech. Other LGBT people may avoid queer because they associate it with political radicalism, or simply because they perceive it as the faddish slang of a "younger generation."
And finally…
The range of what "queer" includes varies. In addition to referring to LGBT-identifying people, it can also encompass: pansexual, pomosexual, intersexual, genderqueer, asexual and autosexual people, and even gender normative heterosexuals whose sexual orientations or activities place them outside the heterosexual-defined mainstream, e.g., BDSM practitioners, or polyamorous persons.
For some queer-identified people, part of the point of the term "queer" is that it simultaneously builds up and tears down boundaries of identity. For instance, among genderqueer people, who do not solidly identify with one particular gender, once solid gender roles have been torn down, it becomes difficult to situate sexual identity. For some people, the non-specificity of the term is liberating. Queerness becomes a way to simultaneously make a political move against heteronormativity while simultaneously refusing to engage in traditional essentialist identity politics.[7]
I noticed the term Genderqueer coming up a lot in discussions so I had to look that one up too it means people are attracted to:
- both man and woman (bigender, pangender);
- neither man nor woman (genderless, agender);
- moving between genders (genderfluid);[2]
- third gender or other-gendered; includes those who do not place a name to their gender;
- having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual orientation.
After I smoked two cigarettes because I had a slight headache from all the information I tried to understand but alas here are the questions I ask of you: How does a word like Queer become an umbrella for everyone? And when did being Bi mean 8,000 different things? If you look at all those terms it pretty much comes down to this:
Queer – Meaning men and women whether transgendered or not fall in love with a person regardless of their sex. Simple right? You would think but according to all the explinations I’m given there are 8,000 different variations and labels.
I know there are people out there who might read this and flip out on me but it’s an honest debate right? If you go to a club now and ask who is “Queer” usually very masculine woman will raise their hands and the very feminine women who are with them will raise theirs too. Now when a man raises his hand I usually ask them what kind of people they are attracted to and 99% of the time they say transgendered people.
Some people may say this is a wrong way of thinking and that we should all be allowed to chose what we do in an out of the bedroom and I completely agree with that statement. So here is another question: When I ask someone what does Queer mean why do I get 8,000 different answers when it basically comes down to the fact that you fall in love with a person not a gender. I mean that does sound a little like our old term for Bi-sexual right?
I try to think of it in a way that my partner would explain it. Nene Leakes like Kim, but she also likes her husband too. She also like Dwight who is pretty much a pre-op transsexual.
I wish it was that easy for me to understand and I normally would let go of it but since this Queer movement has started people keeping telling me that I’m Queer because Queer is an umbrella term for all of us! So, then if you look at other groups of people the “N” word should engulf all dark skinned people because it’s easier? It’s just hard for me to think of Queer as an umbrella term because it seems like a term for people who can fuck anyone they want because they are gender blind…I mean isn’t the term just, Slut! No because that would be an awful mean word…you know like Queer was when it was first termed. Maybe years down the line a group of woman will embrace the term Slut as an umbrella for being able to sleep with whomever they want.
There are also two other things that have come up in all of my research on the topic:
First the story of two women who have did not announce the gender of their child until he was 5. They wanted him to live a gender neutral childhood. He was allowed to wear whatever clothes he wanted including girl’s clothes and play with Dolls (not Barbies). I have no idea why they would do this but this was their choice but a person looking from the outside would say they made the choice for the boy to dress like a girl and be seen as a girl. In a way they have created a gender crisis for their child. Again I know you might be angry at this statement but I played with all boy toys (hehehe) as a child and played sports and it didn’t keep me from knowing I’m gay. These parents said we wanted our child’s identity to be self chosen. I have friends who have boys who play with dolls and girls that play with trucks and when they grew up they knew their identities because they were “Born That Way.”
Second: POLYAMOURISM (I know it’s spelled wrong…sue me) Now this one is touchy because a close friend of mine is dabbling in this and I support her 100% and she has explained it to me and we joke but I still don’t get it. I’ve also researched this and what I mainly come up with is: a man and a woman who are in a relationship welcome a third, usually a woman. I mean yet again, isn’t this a threesome? Although I did see an MTV real life episode about Polyamourism and it revolved around two relationships. One three gay guys. And another a man and woman welcoming a lesbian into their relationship. Of course they both ended horribly and the lesbian stole the Queer girl who probably was gay anyway. Also in that episode they used the term “Unicorn” which I thought means an animal that doesn’t exist but apparently it’s a Bi-sexual woman who comes into a male/female relationship which in turn means “Every straight guys fantasy of having two women.” By the way there is a website with instructions on how to feed your “Unicorn” – worth reading, trust me on this one.
So what does this blog come down to? Possibly losing facebook friends? Or finally getting my answers? I prefer getting my answers so if you read this and you have Queer friends please please please pass this along to them and tell them to write me, but if they do write me tell them not to call me Queer, it’s like a Christian trying to convert me!
P.S. – I use spell check and none of the new Queer terms come up…just saying!
