The "Phantom" of the Local Community Theater...

Okay folks I spent most of my day dealing with this “Phantom.” I just want to address why I posted the link on my page. It was sent to me by a friend and I was immediately up in arms about this person. I want to say why I was so angered by this individual.

Last fall my company did Stephen Sondheim’s Company. At that same time there were three other musicals going on at the same time…NSCP – Chess, HMT – The Addams Family and SLOC – Rocky Horror. The entire community theater of actors were spread thin. There were so many actors giving %110 percent to make sure these shows were amazing. I only got to see two out of the other three but what I experienced was an amazing moment in our community. %99 percent of each of those four cast came out and supported each other’s shows. I’ve been doing theater for a long time and this was a first for me. It showed me that for all the drama (and let’s all be honest here, there is plenty of drama) we as a community came out and showed that we were there for each other. That is the main reason I was upset about this “Phantom.” It was hard for me to read that this person and their husband would go see their friends in shows and spend the whole ride home bashing them and laughing at them. That to me is the worst “friend” you can have…sadly we all must admit that we see a little bit of that side of the “Phantom” in all of us.

So it brings me to this point: When did we as actors (who by the way “phantom” chose this as a hobby) become this way? Do we all hate this “Phantom?” I can easily say with confidence for myself…HELL YES! Then I ask myself, why? Did they show a small side of me when I go see a show? Maybe. But like I said it kills me to think that this person calls us all “friends.”

By now I’m sure we all have our suspicions of who this is because let’s be honest does this person think we are all stupid? I can proudly say I suck at grammar and I found mistakes in their writing. Do they really think we are stupid enough to believe they are a professional writer? Even I know the difference between “there” and “their”. The rumor mill has started and sadly it seems one person’s name has come up time and time again. If it is the person we are all thinking then this person should hang their head in shame. I hope deep down in my heart that the “Phantom” is someone we all don’t know, it’s not very likely the case but I’m hoping.

We all spent the day trying to figure out who this person is but in the end does it matter? Yes and no. We all want to know so we can say to this person “you are wrong my ‘friend’, you as a ‘professional’ actor should be ashamed of yourself”. We also want to make sure that this person is never cast in one of our shows right? Absolutely. But my suspicion is this 1. We already worked with them or 2. Sadly their children suck and even paying for a theater camp still doesn’t get them cast.

If it truly is a retired “professional” actress then bravo on your accomplishments and I hope your children become a better example as “professional” actors than you. If it’s not that person and someone is posing as her please try and do a better job at hiding yourself. Do you really think we believe you went from A Chorus Line to Beauty and the Beast, then to a regional production of RENT, then had two kids and in the meantime wrote for People and Elle? Either you took the potion that Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn took in “Death Becomes Her” to stop aging or you are lying. Sadly, my guess is you are lying and we all know who you are.

So this blog has come full circle and we as a community again came together to defend each other. Let’s all concentrate on that and forget this “Phantom”. But on a side note: I will be as happy as you all will be when this person is exposed.

Dear Lapband, you been evicted!

Four years ago I got a lapband. I was tipping the scales at 330lbs and was unhappy with my body. At that time that’s all I was unhappy with. I was always an outgoing person and never had any troubles socially but my health was not so good. I had high blood pressure and sleep apnea. I decided to go to Ellis Bariatric for a consultation and in October of that year I had a lapband put in. By the February of the following year I lost 113lbs. I finally had more energy and was on a healthy path. Then in what seemed one day my lapband and I started to disagree. The healthy food I started eating seemed like a fight to keep down. I thought it was me. Over the next four years it seemed like an uphill battle just to keep food down. I was told there is a 6 month trial and error period but I never thought it would go any longer. I got frustrated and spent the next couple of years at the Bariatric Center trying to get my band fills right. Just when it seemed like it was I would then end up in the bathroom for an hour. I gave up and slowly the weight came back on. My health was going downhill and my energy too. I didn’t know where to turn anymore, I went to a consultation at another Bariatric Center for a revision surgery but it never panned out and by panned out I mean the doctor scared the hell out of me. Frustrated again I figured I would have to live with this band forever.

One day my Mother said “why don’t you just go back to Ellis?” I wanted to try someplace new because I felt like I failed them and myself. I knew surgery wasn’t a magic wand, I knew the band was just a tool but I was not healthy. So this past December I went back. I put my pride away and walked through the doors again. I was greeted with friendly faces and instantly knew I was starting on a positive journey.

The one thing I can take away from my visits is that it’s not just me. I thought for the past couple years that I was the only going through this. I’ve seen so many people have such success with the band but I found out it’s not just me. More lapbands are coming out than going in. I will always wonder if I failed the lapband or the lapband failed me…in my heart or hearts I believe we failed each other.

On April 8^th I will be going to Ellis Hospital for a revision surgery. I’m having my lapband removed and having gastric bypass. I know some people are out there thinking “well, if it didn’t work the first time what makes you think it’s going to work a second time?” The answer I have for them is “I don’t know, I hope it will but like anything it’s not an instant fix, but I know that I can’t live like this anymore.” It’s going to be a long road but it will be a healthy road. Unlike last time this time around I know what’s coming. I have the full support of my fiance, friends and family…I’m looking forward to the healthier new me. The best part about this is I’m not doing it alone, a very good friend of mine is have surgery tomorrow and it will be great to have a surgery buddy for support! Here’s to a new JJ in 2014!

P.S. I have to say good bye to one of my dearest dearest friends…the Long Island Iced Tea…I have to find a lower calorie drink…so my friends, I leave that up to you for a good suggestion!

A year of death and how I'm going to deal with it!

Death. It’s probably the worst word you can hear. It deals with people, relationships, events, but most importantly it deals with life. I made a statement a while back “I don’t want to go to one more funeral this year.” I feel like this year has been the year of death, for me and for my friends & family. I feel like I’ve become numb to death, when I was young I remember my first wake I ever went to. It was for a cousin. It was 1985; I didn’t understand death at such a young age. I remember the casket was closed; my Mother didn’t take me up to the casket at all. I sat on the side and watched my Aunt Angie looking at the flowers and talk to people. The room felt sad but people were also talking about him and telling stories, there were laughs and some tears. At first I thought that’s what events like this were like. Not too long after at the same funeral home I went to another wake, this time I was a little older, the casket was open and I walked up with my Mother and paid my respects. I didn’t cry, I looked at the person laying there, they seemed very peaceful. It wasn’t until I walked up to the relatives that I crumbled. I didn’t know what that emotion was, I didn’t know this person well but this emotion hit me and it hit me hard. Coming from a large Italian family and at that point being the youngest it was a realization at that point that this wasn’t going to be the last time I would experience this pain. As I got older I watched the people around me who seemed to be invincible die. Nothing hit me as hard as my Grandmother & Uncle Bernie. Two people whom I thought would be in my life forever. They passed away many years apart. When my Grandmother died I was 7, I remember when my Mother told me and I thought the world was over. I was shielded from the services but when my Uncle passed I was in my late teens and I felt like my world again was over. In between their deaths there were many Aunts & Uncles and a couple classmates that had passed but none effected me as much as those two. But as I look back now I realized I found a way to deal with it and move on. Did I ever really get over them passing? No, but I found a way to live.

I’m sitting here today a 35 year old man, I’m very happy with my life. I don’t have a million dollars but I have a fiancé, I have family around me, I have friends that I wouldn’t trade anything for and I run my own theater company. I have a job, a roof over my head and food in my stomach. I’m alive and I’m living. Do the memories of these people pass through my head now and again? They sure do. Do I get sad that they are gone? I sure do, it’s an emotion you can’t control.

This past year I’ve experienced a lot of death around me and yesterday it hit close to home. Last night I received word that a friend passed away in his sleep. He wasn’t even 40 yet. I read a facebook post and couldn’t believe it. I met him many years ago and we became very close very quick. As friends we worked, as lovers we didn’t. I realized when I met Chad why Rich and I didn’t work. A romantic relationship should be easy, not saying that it’s always perfect but it should be easy. With Rich it wasn’t easy and we both knew this. We remained friends and talked each other through hard times, bad break ups & life in general. I believe like I do with anyone, that he came into my life for a reason. As hard as it is I believe that reason was to show me how a relationship should be. Do I mourn his passing? I sure do. There are moments with him that I wouldn’t change for the world, he showed me that when I meet the one that I would know it. For him I am eternally grateful for showing me that. Am I mad that he’s gone? I sure am, but I realize I can’t change that, all I can do is live.

This past year I also lost my last two Grandparents. It wasn’t until I lost them that I realized I learned a lot from them. They passed very close together, my Grandmother passed first. I hadn’t seen her in a long time but I was lucky enough after her passing to spend a little time with my Grandfather. When my Grandmother passed I looked back at the times in my childhood I spent with them. My Grandmother had a hug that lasted forever. She had a laugh that could fill a room, a heart as big as gold and a sense of humor that was like no other. Lucky for me I inherited her sense of humor. My Grandfather was quieter than her; he let her be the center of attention.  Every Christmas eve the family gathered at their house with a tree that was almost hidden by the mountain of gifts. My Grandmother sat at the counter high above everyone as they opened their gifts. My Grandfather always sat in the living room in the same spot on the sofa listening to everyone. They spent hours putting this all together and had such great satisfaction at seeing our joy. For the last two years my Grandmother was very sick and my Grandfather spent his days taking care of her, never spending time away from her (unless it was to pick up the paper or a racing form.) When she passed I could see how his world crashed but he continued to live, although it wasn’t long after her passing that he passed on too. It was almost fate, although he left behind so many family members his heart was for her. With his passing came sadness but for me I knew he taught everyone that life truly goes on. They left behind a large family but they left behind a legacy of caring and compassion.

So, why did I write this blog? This morning I woke up alone in my apartment and I looked at my phone and saw comments on a picture I posted on Rich’s facebook page. It was real, I hadn’t dreamt it. I felt sadness and no motivation to get up and go to work. I called in and laid on the couch for a couple hours. Then a light bulb went off in my head, I didn’t have an epiphany and maybe the light bulb wasn’t too bright, but I thought to myself…”What the hell are you doing? Do you think that he would want you to lay there and feel sorry for yourself? Get your ass up and live!”

When someone dies we feel such sadness and anger, we can’t help that we are human. I think the most important thing we can do in our lives is to find out what to do with that sadness and anger. Your life will never be the same when someone dies but your life wouldn’t be the same without them coming into it. Am I saying that it’s easy for Rich’s close family to do what I did this morning? Was it easy for my Aunt who helped take care of my Grandparents for the past two years to do the same? It isn’t but what we can learn from death and dying is that there is still life and that life goes on. Would I give anything to speak to Rich one more time, to get a hug from my Grandmother, to thank my Grandfather for accepting me & Chad, to be 7 again eating breakfast on a Saturday with my Grandmother and to have to the chance to tell my Uncle thank you for everything that he did for my Mother & I for so many years? I would but I can’t, but I also know in my heart of hearts that I can’t let death run my life.

As a theater person I was lucky enough to do a play called “Torch Song Trilogy.” In that play my character lost his lover suddenly and his mother gave him the best advice about death that anyone could ever give – ”Give yourself time, Arnold. It gets better... But, Arnold, it never goes away. You can work longer hours, adopt a son, fight with me, whatever... it'll still be there. But that's all right; it becomes a part of you, like learning to wear a ring or a pair of eyeglasses. You get used to it. And that's good. It's good; because it makes sure you don't forget. You don't want to forget him, do you?”

So as I close this blog I ask you to look around you and look at your life, look at your friends, your family and think to yourself…”Death sucks, I hate it, I never want to experience it but when I do I have to remember to live because that is the greatest gift we can give the people in our lives that have passed on.”

Glee Recap: Karofsky

I watched last week’s episode of Glee twice. Once by myself and once with my partner. I rate this episode 70% good 30% bad. I usually read autostraddle.com’s recap of Glee’s episodes because we are usually on the same page. I used to read afterelton.com’s recaps but the blogger there is in love with Kurt and Blaine so I stopped reading it because I always want to vomit after reading it. Although this week was different, I read both reviews.

Afterelton.com’s recap was wishy washy and made Kurt out to be a hero AGAIN! The blogger person was also out of it after the first bombshell on the episode (which we will get to in a second). They also complained about Santana getting a lousy coming out episode. So I give their review two thumbs down, but then again their recaps always get two thumbs down so this subject is pretty moot (don’t you just love that word?)

Autostraddle.com’s review made complete fun of the episode including the issue’s it dealt with and called it an after school special. Again, where I usually give them two thumbs up this week they get two thumbs down and they also complained about Santana’s coming out episode being lousy. I guess I’m starting to realize I can’t read lesbian blogger Glee recaps anymore.

I’m going to give you the quick overview of the episode first and then I’ll let the show writers have a little piece of my mind!

Teen wedding plans, Karofsky gets bullied and tries to kill himself, cough syrup, Sebastian becomes good, more wedding crap, peanut butter, Regional’s, a random vampire guy, a choir dressed in medieval clothes, Kurt and Karofsky make up, wedding, pink dresses, parents bitching about the wedding, texting while driving…boom! Car crash and oh yeah Sue Sylvester is pregnant!

What can I possibly say about this episode? Like a lot of Glee episode’s lately they start out good, fizzled in the middle and end ok.

In this episode the main theme is teen suicide. Karofsky who used-to bully Kurt was seen during the last episode with Kurt at Breadstix, where Karofsky professed his love to Kurt (I literally threw up when this happened) of course pale, pasty Kurt said no, but we can be friends. Even though earlier this season we see Karofsky at a gay bar where he talks about how a lot of guys talk to him because “I’m what they call a bearcub.” I have to admit, my heart melted a little when he said that…it seemed Karofsky found his gay community. Apparently I was wrong…he wants himself a chubby chaser.

In the opening scene something happens with Rachel, Kurt and a mean Warbler. Blackmail happens and Blaine gets pissed and decides to blow off steam like most gay kids do in high school, by singing a song called Cough Syrup. Although this song was a really weird choice they cut in scenes of Karofsky walking into his new school’s locker room where the word FAG is spray painted on his locker. He turns around to leave and is pushed into a locker and laughed at by everyone there. Most people I talked to about this said “good, he got what he deserved.” Now, maybe if I actually liked the character of Kurt I might have felt that way too but what people are forgetting is that Kurt and Karofsky kind of made up, he apologized to Kurt I think at least three times and Kurt accepted. It made me really like the character of Karofsky because they made him aware of what he did was wrong. So we see Karofsky checking his facebook page and it’s filled with anti-gay posts and we watch him crumble. I have to say it was so hard to watch this part of the episode and I believe that is because Max Adler handles the role of Karofsky so well. He makes you feel for him, it makes you remember those times in High School when you thought the world was over and you didn’t know where to turn. You can’t help but feel for him and the moment he steps onto the chair you fear the worse. Then of course a commercial comes on.

We come back to a scene in the Principal’s office with Mr. Shuster, Sue Sylvester, Coach Bieste and Emma. Of course Will and Sue blame themselves for not seeing that this was going to happen. They realized they cared more about the fact that Kurt was being bullied and never really questioned why Karofsky hated Kurt so much. Then they cut to Karofsky’s dad finding him and again, the actor playing Karofsky’s dad was so good, it was hard to watch. Back to the office, Will Shuster says:  

"Guys, we were all hard on Dave, We thought he was going to hurt Kurt. I just never thought he’d hurt himself."

"It wasn’t our job to know," Principal Figgins says.

"Then whose job was it?" Emma asks.

Both Afterelton.com and Autostraddle.com brushed over Emma’s statement. I think her statement is a very powerful statement for this episode. It makes you ask the question, why do bully’s bully? How come we punish them and never really find out why they do what they do. It’s a huge statement and I think it’s something we all need to think about.

We learn that Karofsky isn’t dead but is in the hospital. A small part of me wanted the writers to actually kill of Karofsky, not because I hated him but to show kids who are considering suicide what effects their actions have on the people that are left behind. The part of me that was glad they didn’t really hopes that they do justice to the Karofsky storyline from here on out. I would hate to see this get put on the back burner (like the characters of Tina and Brittany are being treated lately).

Then Finn and Rachel make up after a fight and move their wedding up to right after regional’s! Yay! VOMIT!

Next onto the God Squad where they are dealing with the suicide attempt and Quinn asks for them to pray for Karofsky’s family instead of him. Then pasty Kurt walks in and says she has no idea what Karofsky is going through…now this is the only section of the afterlton.com Glee recap that I liked:

Kurt comes in behind her, and he doesn't like what he hears. "Quinn, please," he says, his looking stricken. "Sure, you had a baby when you were 16 and you had a bad dye job for two weeks, but seriously? The world never stopped loving you. And you’re going to Yale. You have no idea what Karofsky was struggling with." Really? That's it, huh? She gets rejected by her father and mother, thrown out of her home, bounced from baby daddy 1 to baby daddy 2 before Mercedes takes her in, gives her baby up for adoption, basically goes nuts and, I'd say, suffers severe post-partum depression bordering on psychosis, has to endure seeing her child with her new mother who is sleeping with Puck, and all this before she's 17 years old. And you think kids don't kill themselves over those things every day?

Kurt then tells us that Karofsky’s facebook still has anti-gay slurs on it such as “better luck next time.” Then Kurt also tells us that he blames himself because Karofsky has been calling him ever since they saw each other at Breadstix and if he just answered one call maybe Karofsky wouldn’t have done this. Now, the afterelton.com Kurt-Loving-Blogger says the Kurt’s character was still trying to figure out his feelings after being blindsided by Karofsky professing his love, of course I think that’s bullshit because if everyone remembers right after Karofsky leaves Blaine busts in the front door of Breadstix singing and Kurt was think Karofsky who? So, again I believe Karofsky’s suicide attempt had nothing to do with our pasty friend; it had all to do with being bullied.

Then this episode goes to the fizzling section. Mean warbler becomes nice because he saw Karofsky at the gay bar and this happened:

They're at the jukebox together, and Dave asks him, "So, how do you get a guy to like you?"

I remember Dave's fragile happiness the night he saw Kurt at the bar, when he said the guys there liked him.

And then Sebastian laughs and says, "You get a guy? Please."

"Why, what’s wrong with me?" Dave asks.

"First off, you’re about 100 pounds overweight," Sebastian tells him. "Quit waxing your eyebrows. You look like Liberace. In fact, just stay in the closet, buddy."

Can we say Karofsky…stay away from the twinks they will ruin your life!!!! Bears and Cubs are where it’s at! Okay, back to the crap…Mr. Shuster gives peanut butter to the Irish kid, Sugar Mahta and Brittany say something funny, then we go to regional’s with the dumb vampire guy/judge, McKinley wins regional’s, then we are supposed to go to the wedding right after but if you watched the episode it seemed like the wedding was a week later.

The next scene worth talking about is the Karofsky hospital scene. Kurt comes to visit him to cheer him up I guess…but believe it or not I actually liked this scene, Kurt apologizes for not taking his calls and Karofsky of course says “why would you after the way I treated you.” Dave goes on to say, "I made your life a living hell for months. But when the same thing happened to me, I couldn’t even take it for a week. I suppose a best friend telling me he never wants to talk to me again, my mom telling me that I have a disease… and maybe I can be cured… I don’t know what to do. I can’t go back to that school." Max Adler was so good in this part it made you want to say those three words that have become a staple in the gay community lately “It Gets Better.” Kurt tells Karofsky that Mr. Shuster asked us this week what were are looking forward to in the future. Kurt tells Dave to think about the future, to imagine a wonderful life for himself ten years down the road. He tells Dave to close his eyes.

"You’re sitting in a fantastic office. You’re some kind of successful professional. A lawyer, maybe."

"Could I be a sports agent?" Dave says, adorably.

"Sure," Kurt says. "You’re a big sports agent living in the city of your dreams because you left Lima and never looked back." We start to see the scene in a flash-forward. "Your handsome partner comes to visit you in your office and brings along your son. You’re taking the rest of the day off work because you’re taking your son to his first football game." We see Dave kiss his partner and hold their son close. "You lean over to your partner, and you say…" Dave fills in with, "I’m so happy right now." Again, Max Adler facial expressions were amazing. Although the bearcub in me really wanted his husband to be a bear or cub but I’ll take it because this was a good scene.

Let’s hope they do justice to this storyline.

Cut to the wedding…blah blah blah…parents want to object…Rachel is texting Quinn to hurry up…we see Quinn in her car texting back and bam! She get’s t-boned by another car. Honestly I didn’t see that one coming and I don’t really know where they are going with this!

Now I would like to address the two other recap blogger’s anger towards this episode because Santana apparently didn’t get a good “coming out” episode…I guess they forgot that amazing scene with Finn in the hallway, the scene in Sue’s office where she says “I haven’t even told my parents yet,” the amazing Adele mash-up she did and finally the scene following the song…so girls check the episode before you get angry.
With that being said, the regional’s section of this episode could have had an amazing Santana/Brittany storyline. The writers had a chance to explore Santana’s fears when she was closeted like Karofsky…or can you imagine Brittany running down the hallway towards Santana after she found out about Karofsky’s suicide attempt, making sure Santana knows how much she loved her and wants to make sure that no matter how tough society might treat them, that they will always have each other….or even better, Santana’s Grandmother catching wind of the Karofsky suicide attempt and coming to Santana’s house for a tearful reconciliation? The writers had a chance and I felt they kind of blew it; we could have waited for Regional’s!
So, I’m looking forward for Glee’s return in April to see if they recover from some of their bad writing mistakes this season and use the issues from this past episode to bring back the Glee we love.

Oh yeah! Sue’s pregnant! Random!!! But I’m sure I’m going to love what they do with it!

Here are some Max Adler moments from this episode: